Alone in Plain Sight

Alone in Plain Sight: Searching for Connection When You’re Seen but Not Known
By: Ben Higgins

I’m not a Bachelor super-fan, but I have seen several seasons, including Ben’s two seasons, so when I saw he had a book out, I was curious to see what he had to say.

The writing (in terms of organization and repetitiveness) was mediocre, but considering he’s not necessarily an aspiring writer and this was his first book, I think it fit with the purpose of the book and spoke to his authenticity, transparency, and honesty.

I think it was courageous for him to use his platform from being on TV to write what he did. There are a lot of fans disappointed by ‘Alone in Plain Sight’ because it wasn’t a Bachelor Tell-All exposé. But I think what he wrote is evidence that he truly cares about his fans. Instead of giving them the juicy details they want, he gives them the truth they need.

“I want to speak to those of us who feel a bit lost, those of us who struggle with life’s disappointments and unanswerable questions. Rather than offer platitudes and cliches, I want to invite you to explore the dark questions with me, with the hope that together we can discover the light.”

In reality, especially this last year, I think we’ve all felt alone, disconnected, and isolated at some point. And that won’t go away with 240 pages of behind-the-scenes Bachelor stories. He cares enough to not allow us to just band-aid our isolation with shallow distractions but offers a remedy for our emotional wounds. A remedy you won’t really find in most Hollywood productions—a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I respect him for making the unpopular choice to write about his faith instead of his fame.

I knew he was a person of faith from his seasons [Sidenote: having his pastor come to the After the Final Rose show was one of the most awkward moments, right?!] , but when he utilized the fantasy suite, I wondered to what depth his faith really went. He didn’t touch on that decision in this book, but based on everything else he said, his faith does seem genuine.

He seeks to help us reconnect in an age of high visibility but little depth (aka social media; for him- also TV) . People only know what we let them see—usually the good stuff. What do we do with the rest? Can anyone love me with full knowledge of everything I am? Loneliness, isolation, rejection, and putting on a facade all result in questions like- Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the point? What am I missing?

Ben, through anecdotes from family and friends, his own personal vulnerability, and a broad look at the Bible, takes us on a journey to find identity, meaning, and hope, with a dash of love advice.

“Most of my life I’ve mistakenly believed that sticking a label on my forehead somehow tells the truth about who I really am… Every time I stumble upon a label I think might identify me, it eventually gets stripped away.”

I love that! ‘ ‘As if labels equal truth.’ Labels are rampant these days (look no further than identity politics), and we are constantly trying to evaluate which groups we belong to. Or we only see ourselves in terms of what we do- our job and accomplishments. But as Ben said, every label, group, job, and achievement will fall short and disappoint. Who are we when our labels fail us?

“What I need is an outside, objective view of me from someone who sees past all the cover I hide behind, and God himself is the only one I’ve found who can do that.”

“Who am I? I am a work in progress in the hands of the One who loves me. I have value and purpose and a reason for existing, not because of what I have done or what I will do, but because this is how God has made me and sees me. When everything else has been stripped away—all the guilt, all the shame, all the disappointments— I stand naked before God, and in his eyes I am beautiful and beloved.”

His chapters are categorized in 4 pillars: Reconnecting to self, to others, romantically, and to God. Within those parts are chapters that cover the brevity of life, the victim vs victor mindset, singleness, lasting love, sacrifice, belief vs doubt, and God’s pursuit of us. (And yes, a brief mention of his previous relationship with Lauren, and his soon-to-be wife Jessica)

Some noteworthy quotes:

“When our lives are focused only on ourselves, we are further disconnected from ourselves by settling for the smallest answer possible regarding what we want out of life.”

“My pride tried to hold onto the idea that I could fix myself, but by now I knew better. I had to get help. I could not make it unless God intervened, which is what I asked him to do. On my own I had not found any way to move beyond the darkness—only addiction, numbing, and disconnection.”

“God does not need a mountaintop for you to reach him. He is here, with you, now.”

“When we connect with him, we connect with something that has infinite, infinite power and majesty. Coming to him requires a basic humbleness where we recognize we are not the greatest and biggest thing to ever walk this earth.”

“No human being can ever fix the brokenness within our souls and make us complete. If we look for a savior within a relationship, we will always be disappointed, because we have assigned them a task that no one can possibly do. The worst thing we can do then is give up and move on and start the search for the perfect one once again who will check all the boxes and fill all the holes in our souls. It is an endless search conducted in the wrong place completely.”

“People need people to connect with them at their darkest points, sharing their pain, and letting them know they are not alone. People need God to help them make sense of this life and breath that they have been given, no matter how quickly it can be taken away. To give them purpose and connection with something greater than themselves and show them what it truly means to love others.”

All that to say, there are a few little things he says (or portrays) that aren’t exactly right:

“Only you can know who you are right now.”

“You need to begin living the story that only you can write.”

Both of these phrasings put us in control- we don’t define ourselves and we don’t write our own story. Our identity is given to us by God and he is the Author of our stories.

“This is one of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard. Live while you have the chance, because that chance will be taken away someday.”

I mean… it’s a true statement. And an important one. But I have personally heard a lot of more profound statements than this, he might need to read more! (This was more of a semantics preference than a true criticism.)

“…the answer is easy: Jesus. I get that, but that’s not the question I’m asking. I want to know what will make this life matter to the degree that, when I get to the end of my life and I’m on my deathbed, I won’t look back and say, ‘I thought there was more.’”

I had to chuckle a little at this one. He says, ‘Okay, I get that Jesus is the answer, but what REALLY makes life worthwhile, what is REALLY the ‘more’ of life?’ Ben. It’s Jesus. It truly is that simple. I suppose he was trying to get at more of an application of what we DO about it, but it still seems like he’s saying that Jesus as the answer isn’t adequate for him.

“You and I need to be able to look at ourselves and see ourselves as worthy and deserving of love because we are worthy and deserving of love.”

This one is a little tricky, but no- we aren’t loveable and we don’t deserve love. We deserve hell. That’s the harsh reality, but that’s what makes the Gospel such Good News! In God’s mercy, he doesn’t give us what we deserve. He offers us salvation while we are still dead in our sins! So then: He doesn’t love us because we are loveable; we are loveable because he loves us. We can ‘love ourselves’ as Ben frequently advocates for because we are God’s creation, made in His image, with worth and purpose- not because of anything we have to offer but because He has called us to worth and purpose. So the outcome of Ben’s statement is true, I just wanted to clarify more so the ‘why'.’

So there were a few things a little ‘off’ but then he’ll say something later that kind of clarifies—I just didn’t like the inconsistencies. However, I understand this book is not intended to be a book on theology. His acknowledgements at the end of his book listed a few books that helped shape his thinking while writing; it included Bob Goff’s books ‘Everybody, Always’ (reviewed here) and ‘Love Does’, as well as Donald Miller’s book ‘A Million Miles in a Thousand Years’ (reviewed here).

Knowing that, his style of writing and his ‘close, but not exactly’ statements make more sense as Goff and Miller had the tendency to do the same thing (although Ben thankfully did less of putting words in God’s mouth like the other two).

Though, ‘Alone in Plain Sight’ (and Goff and Miller’s books) has its missteps, Ben imparts the general gospel and says a lot of true and important things that point to Jesus. And if those true things lead you to a real relationship with Christ and lead you to care more about people, then I cannot keep you from that! Read this book!

But then, maybe also peruse some theology books to learn more about the Creator and Author, the One who loves and redeems. People’s stories do connect with us and show us how God works in our lives, but there is so much more to know about the grace, mercy, and justice found in a deeper study of Scripture.

Because as Ben says, “God made us to know Him.”

**Received an ARC via NetGalley**

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