Have I Told You This Already?
Have I Told You This Already?: Stories I Don’t Want to Forget to Remember
By: Lauren Graham
[Fulfilled ‘A funny memoir’ prompt as part of Shelf Reflection’s 2024 Reading Challenge]
“It seems to me that being a performer is the only job where you are both the car and the billboard advertising it.”
I am a big Lauren Graham fan. I loved Gilmore Girls and Parenthood.
I’ve also read her book, Talking As Fast As I Can, and enjoyed that as well.
That being said, I’m not sure if this book did a whole lot for me. I think if I had done the audio book that probably would have enhanced the experience a bit because a lot of Graham’s humor is in her delivery.
It was definitely a hodgepodge of stories. I’m not sure I could identify a unifying thread throughout the book except maybe lamenting the struggles of staying relevant and meeting the spoken and unspoken standards of Hollywood.
Reading memoirs/essays from celebrities is always an interesting phenomenon. As an everyday reader we read for conflicting purposes. We read to both see the commonalities we have with celebrities— they’re just like us!— and also to get the scoop on what it’s like to be famous and be in the circles of the wealthy and well-known— we’ll never see it firsthand!
There really wasn’t much ‘gossip’ in this book. Lauren seems to abide pretty loyally to the actor code of not spilling other people’s secrets or exposing their bad sides or personal preferences. There also isn’t any behind-the-scenes look into her specific shows other than a list of things every aspiring actor should know (in her chapter Actor-y Factory) and a chapter (Red Hat, Blue Hat) where she lists a bunch of things a director should know.
It seems like throughout this book she is wrestling with the concepts of what’s really important in life, but also with doing what you have to do to land jobs as an actor.
I think one such pondering that resonated most with me was when she contemplated what lies she was willing to tell. I was surprisingly surprised to find out that a lot of the stories celebrities tell on late night talk shows are fabricated. When Lauren was going on one and had a specific story to tell she was told to change one of the details of the story because they thought it would land the joke/story better.
She pondered, “Is the most important thing to tell the truth, or to tell the truth that will make the audience happy, or to tell another truth entirely, and does it matter if you— the audience— know which truth I’m telling?”
Personally, I’m a fan of the truth. But at the same time I recognize the nature of show business and needing to create something that is enjoyed by the audience. We’ve all watched something we didn’t like. Whether we realize it or not, we’re part of an audience that is creating a market for a specific kind of entertainment and we apparently have high standards.
Would I rather have the true stories that aren’t as funny because they actually happened?
I can imagine it is difficult to maintain a moral code while also trying to ‘make it’ in Hollywood where everything is so specifically curated and no one really has a right to anything unless they are an A-lister.
I appreciate that Lauren Graham seems to care about the truth and desires to be authentic.
I think the chapter that resonated with me the least was the Mochi chapter. Because it’s stressful for me to listen to people spontaneously getting dogs and assuming it’s an easy ‘add’ to their life when in reality it makes no sense for them to have a dog and now they have this thing that ties them to a place alllll the time, messes with their schedule, costs them money, ruins their house, etc. It’s great to have pets— I loved them when I was a kid— but now as an adult, I’m far more realistic on what it takes to have a pet and I hate when people dive in without actual consideration for what it means to have a pet.
I guess it’s a bit strange but I think the parts that stood out the most to me were the ‘serious’ parts more than the funny parts. This group of essays is about telling a few stories but then connecting it to something deeper and more meaningful. I do like this way of writing even though I opened the book for the laughs.
Recommendation:
This is a super fast read, so if you like Lauren Graham, I would say to give it a shot. Even if it’s not a favorite book, it’s not a big commitment to possibly glean some snippet that resonates with you in a different way than it did for me.
Also- probably would recommend the audio book version if you can. (To be honest- I’ve never actually done an audio book but if I were to ever try it, I think it would be for memoirs/nonfiction first.)
Even if this wasn’t my favorite book of hers, I still enjoy her as an actress and will probably continue to watch her shows/movies and read her books.
It was not a hard book to have squozen into my day.
[Content Advisory: there is a chapter about boobs; I can’t really remember if there was any swearing or other sexual content or drug references, if there were it was pretty minimal]
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