Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World

Book Reviews

May 31

Raising Confident in a Confusing World: A Parent’s Guide to Grounding Identity in Christ
By: Ed Drew

“Someone will be teaching your kids about their souls and their bodies. Make sure it’s you.”

We parents have the hard job of raising kids. We feel the pressure to do it right and not ruin our kids. Of course, as Christians, we must put our faith in God who loves our kids more than we do and trust Him with them. We can only do so much as parents and what we do is no guarantee that they will ‘turn out right.’

But nonetheless we make every effort to care for them and teach them truth. Resources like this book are a huge help as a parent to know how to communicate to our kids about their identity.

‘Identity’ is the headline of the era. Kids have always had to figure out who they are, but in recent years there are new challenges and pressures, especially revolving around sexuality and gender, with how one goes about defining themself.

Raising Confident Kids is not exhaustive, but it’s a short, easy to read book that begins with Gospel truth and our identity in Christ— our sinfulness, forgiveness, and grace. It then has chapters on friendship, sex, marriage, and gender.

It’s not necessarily a book you read WITH your kids but will prepare you to know how to talk to your kids about some of these things.

Ed Drew’s writing style is conversational and humorous even as he talks about serious things. His personal stories that he incorporates in the book are very relatable and help illustrate what this looks like in real life.

The discussion questions at the end of every chapter are also helpful in reflecting on our own hearts and knowing what we can be praying for.

This Is Me

I thought it was really interesting how he begins with bringing up the song from The Greatest Showman— This is Me— which was immediately very popular. The message of the song is appealing. We shouldn’t have to be sorry for who we are. We own ourselves with all our flaws— other people can’t define us. There are aspects of that they are good, but it’s also a dangerous train of thought.

Drew explains:

“Our children are being asked to start from a blank sheet of paper. Who are you? Who do you want to be? What is your gender? What is your sexuality? Where is your value?… Create your own path. Follow your heart. Be the person you want to be. Stand up and declare, without apology, ‘This is me.’”

Culture tells us this is where we find freedom. But that’s not actually true. To be in charge of shaping our identity is a burden. Especially when we put that burden on children.

In actuality, there is freedom in being defined by God as his child, created in his image.

“I want them to meet with triumph and despair and treat both those experiences with the confidence that comes from knowing in their hearts that who they are, and who they will always be, is greatly loved children of a Heavenly Father. Because if that is their identity, then they will navigate a confusing world, and walk towards an eternal home, with confidence.”

What Else Is In There

Drew guides us through recognizing that the most important thing we can do for our children as parents isn’t to modify their behavior to ‘be good’ though obeying is important, but to point them to Jesus. An identity found in Christ flows into the rest of their life with authenticity and endurance.

“…wonder with me at what government policy could be rolled out that would do more to improve the lives of children than godly parents showing their child the Lord as their Creator, telling them of their inalienable worth as his precious image-bearers, and seeking to encourage them to live a godly life while under their parental responsibility.”

He points out that the cultural gospel tells our kids that not following their heart is their biggest problem but the Bible is contrary: our hearts are the problem. Our desires are sinful. So we need something to trust and follow that is bigger than our ever-changing feelings and desires.

“How do we show grace without throwing out all discipline, all authority and all wisdom? As parents we do need to set boundaries, hold our children responsible for their actions, and discipline them fairly and calmly, as our Heavenly Father disciplines us. There should be warnings and consequences in our homes for our children’s bad behavior. As God has been clear with us in the Bible on the behaviors he expects of us, so we need to be clear and consistent with our children…we need to be acting out of love… waiting for and aiming for the hug, for the homecoming… grace needs to be in the air of home.”

Drew reminds us that sin issues are heart issues not behavior issues.

He encourages us to allow our kids to see how we handle suffering and times where we don’t feel okay. As they navigate feelings of discomfort— whether with relationships or their own bodies— they’ll imitate what we do when crisis hits.

“Your suffering is always an opportunity to show your children what you know is true of God.”

He discusses how to talk about our bodies with our children. How we feel about our bodies and treat our bodies will also inform how we treat other people’s bodies. Our children need to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, even when our feelings don’t align with the truth.

“It’s important to have conversations about your kids’ bodies, and to be careful how you speak about your own body, and to consider what messages you send. Because of the fall, no body is perfect. We honor God’s handiwork when we enjoy ours, look after it and use it as he intends, avoiding comparison with others.”

He talks about what the Bible says regarding gender and marriage. He also addresses gender stereotypes and how our parenting should not be aligned with stereotypes but with the command that we are to both care and serve for others and to use our strengths and advantages to protect the vulnerable.

“Our role as parents, particularly with younger children, is to provide the certainty that their body is a good gift that cannot be changed, and that (within the limits of physics) they can use their bodies for whatever adventures they can imagine. They should not think that their gender should limit their hobbies, friendships, sports, or aspirations for the future.”

Recommendation

I think this is a very helpful book for anyone raising or influencing kids. Identity is too big of a thing to ignore or hope that it just works out alright. We need to be actively teaching our kids how to view themselves in light of Christ and his Scripture.

This book will help with that.

What I also love about this book is that they direct you to a website with a ton of free resources for parents or ministry leaders to use. There are also podcasts both for parents and kids. If you don’t want to read the book, I would assume a lot of the material here overlaps into their other stuff.

So yes, I would recommend this book. I would also recommend these too that are written specifically on parenting through these things:

Mama Bear Apologetics: Empowering Your Kids to Challenge Cultural Lies by Hillary Morgan Ferrer

Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality: Empowering Your Kids to Understand and Live Out God’s Design by Hillary Morgan Ferrer

Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David Tripp

Gospel-Centered Motherhood by Stefanie Boyles (The Daily Grace Co.)

Surviving Religion 101: Letters to a Christian Student on Keeping the Faith in College by Michael J. Kruger

If you are interested in further reading regarding sexuality, gender, marriage, and our bodies, here are several other books I would highly recommend: (in alphabetical order)

Born Again This Way: Coming Out, Coming to Faith, and What Comes Next by Rachel Gilson

Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made Everything about Race, Gender, and Identity— and Why This Harms Everybody by Helen Pluckrose & James Lindsay

Designed for Joy: How the Gospel Impacts Men and Women, Identity and Practice by Owen Strachan & Jonathan Parnell

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry

Irreversible Damage- The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters by Abigail Shrier

Is God Anti-Gay?: And Other Questions about Homosexuality, the Bible, and Same-Sex Attraction by Sam Allberry

Live Your Truth (and Other Lies): Exposing Popular Deceptions That Make Us Anxious, Exhausted, and Self-Obsessed by Alisa Childers

The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to the Sexual Revolution by Carl Trueman

Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality by Rachel Joy Welcher

What Does the Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung

What God Has to Say about Our Bodies: How the Gospel Is Good News for Our Physical Selves by Sam Allberry

**Received a copy from The Good Book Company in exchange for an honest review**