The Marriage Code
The Marriage Code
By: Brooke Burroughs
[Fulfilling “A book that takes place in another country” in the 2021 Spring/Summer Reading Challenge]
“Rishi couldn’t hide his real life from his parents forever, and doing so had potentially ruined the one thing he’d ever had that was real.”
The Marriage Code is a love story based mostly in India and is partially representative of the author’s own love story—she (an American) met her husband in India and lived there for 3 years. This adds a lot of authenticity to the setting and what the characters go through while navigating a non-traditional relationship (though I am not qualified to fact check any of it).
In short: The love boat that is two IT coworkers from different parts of the world is tossed to and fro by the waves of initial mutual hatred, tradition, an I’m-going-to-find-you-a-wife mission, you-are-the-air-I-breathe lust, culture, and straight up you-lied-to-me drama. Can their relationship, with all its ups and downs, weather the storm of their worlds colliding?
I don’t usually like to read Romance novels (because I often get bored or because I don’t like to read about people having sex). I picked this one for the following reasons in chronological order: it was an Amazon First Reads book; it took place in India; it seemed like a rom/com type of romance.
I have a few family members who have been to India several times (namely Hydrabad), a couple friends who spent months there, and one who met her husband there and currently lives there. So I have some knowledge of the culture, but was really interested to see another side of the vibrant culture and country. This book definitely provided that. Well at least in terms of Rishi’s particular caste (Brahmin) and how traditional marriages typically work. It was interesting to see how even traditional marriages are adapting to more progressive times. It also made me curious about all the other castes.
And it provides much knowledge on food. There is a LOT of food eating, discussing, describing, etc. Having not really eaten much Indian food (I’m a picky, child-like eater at times), it made me interested to try some of it. The descriptions sounded really good and different than how I pictured a lot of Indian food. But, you say the word ‘butter’ and I’m here for it.
So this book had a lot of potential: an exploration in interracial relationships, a discovery of a new culture, the added complication of an internet algorithm designed to find the perfect mate, and ideally some humor. Unfortunately, for me, this book did not meet my expectations.
There was a lot of swearing (including f-words), sexual innuendo, and sexual tension—like so much. Like every other page.
Those things alone dock my rating of a book, but it was compounded by a couple other shortcomings.
For one, it was too long. It dragged quite a bit and I think it could have been condensed significantly. Although, I don’t read a lot of romance so maybe most people want all that?
For two, it wasn’t really that funny.
For three, I didn’t particularly like the characters. In the beginning when Emma and Rishi are workplace enemies because Emma got the job Rishi wanted, Emma is described (through Rishi’s eyes) as being immature and childish: “Amazing how Emma could morph from domineering project lead into a hungry toddler in the span of a few hours.” And this filter kinda stuck with me throughout the book. Even though Rishi became endeared to Emma as their story progresses, it was hard for me to view her through a different lens. As for Rishi, he really wasn’t given much personality. Of the two of them, he seemed to have more humor, but it still wasn’t much. So there wasn’t much to like or dislike, he was just a bit ambiguous.
For a book about two people learning about each other and falling in love, I really don’t feel like I know them as people other than Emma being an independent, red-headed foodie and coffee addict without many friends and Rishi being a motorcyle-driving, weightlifter who has hidden his tradition-shirking from his high-expectations family.
Even when Emma is describing how different her feelings for Rishi are than what she had for her very recent ex-almost-fiance Jeremy she says, “She and Jeremy had been perfect on paper, but that thing that said I can see myself discovering you for the rest of my life just hadn’t been there. But Rishi had goals. He had a sister. He had a plan to get married, and soon.”
Seems odd to contrast ‘perfect on paper’ with ‘having goals’ (i.e. marriage I guess?) and ‘having a sister.’ There is no substance to that. It’s not a convincing ‘upgrade.’
This was a common theme in Emma’s thoughts throughout the book- her and Jeremy had so much in common and would be a theoretical perfect match, but she just didn’t have chemistry with him. Rishi, on the other hand—sparks flying everywhere. Yet, I don’t think their relationship consisted of much more than first being passive-aggressive with each other, then having extreme sexual tension mixed with hatred, then a lot of eating out together, then just a lot of sex, and then wanting to get married.
I get that you need to be attracted to your spouse, but you kinda need to have more than that. Especially in a relationship that already has an uphill battle with cultural and traditional differences. In that way, the authenticity was missing.
Oh and there was an interesting side-theme regarding fate. It’s hard to write a love-story without talking about ‘fate’ bringing people together. But Emma has an aversion to the word: “The only people who used fate were people who’d never had anything bad happen to them. Who didn’t know heartache. Who didn’t understand what hurt down to the bone felt like… Fate was the antithesis of her life—this idea that how you made yourself meant nothing in the face of the things that just happened to you, that your life was sorted and predestined.”
Add to that her cyclical struggle with questioning God and fate and reflecting on her grandma’s words: “When a freak accident like that takes away your daughter [Emma’s parents], praying to the God that makes the universe function like clockwork just doesn’t make sense. And fate doesn’t make sense. And the world doesn’t make sense.”
And now you have something worth talking about.
Fate is not comforting. Sure it sounds romantic at times, but Emma is right- how do you square ‘fate’ with senseless tragedies? You can’t. It sure doesn’t make the world or your future feel very safe. To trust ‘fate’ feels out of control and heartless.
But there is something, or rather Someone, that we can trust. And her grandma, though her pain is not misplaced, got that wrong. God is not some high-in-the-sky deity that just keeps the world moving like clockwork, completely separated from our lives, our pain, our futures. And actually, believing in the God of the Bible and the truths of Scripture gives way more sense to the world than any other explanation I’ve found.
We don’t have to entrust our lives to unfeeling, arbitrary fate. We can put our trust in God who created each of us on purpose with a purpose, who is lovingly involved with every aspect of our lives. It’s not a ‘predestination’ by some unidentified force, it’s a plan by God who is very much in control and invested. Reliable. Trustworthy. And when bad things happen we may not get all the answers we seek, but we know the reason is not because we are unloved. Jesus went to the cross to save us from our sin before we did anything deserving of such a sacrifice. That’s real love. And that’s what gives us the confidence that whatever pain God allows, it’s not due to absence, inability, or apathy. We don’t have to accept that things indiscriminately happen to us. We know that our pain is not wasted and that we are not alone.
Fate is not comforting. But God is.
Okay. I couldn’t pass up the chance to address that theme with a very real and true hope that I desire everyone to know, but I shall move on and wrap this up.
In summation: Though it didn’t hit the mark for me, I don’t think it’s a terrible book. If language and sexual innuendo don’t bother you, the other things aren’t too distracting and you might enjoy this cross-cultural story—especially if you are an adventurous eater.
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