Kindness & Goodness
Fruitful Motherhood: Kindness & Goodness
By: Brittany Shields
Kindness (/ˈkīn(d)nəs/): nurturing, affection, considerate
Goodness (/ˈɡo͝odnəs/): integrity, moral, honest, kind
“Kindness is not dependent on the actions of others, it’s dependent on imitating Christ.” (Morrison)
“Kindness is the inner disposition, created by the Holy Spirit, that causes us to be sensitive to the needs of others, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Goodness is kindness in action— words and deeds.” (Bridges)
Bridges combined kindness and goodness in his book so I will do so here too. They are definitely intertwined.
As the quote above states, kindness is the disposition and sincere interest in others while goodness is the deliberate actions taken to help others.
Emphasis on the ‘sincere.’
We all think we like to be kind and good to others… but what about when they don’t appreciate it. What about when our good works go unnoticed? It kinda throws a wrench in our sincerity and our desire to ever do it again right?
We are a fickle people and to be kind and good, our selfish selves need the Holy Spirit.
God is Kind and Good
“But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit…” Titus 3:4-5
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
“They refused to listen, And did not remember Your wondrous deeds which You had performed among them; So they became stubborn and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt. But You are a God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness; and You did not forsake them.” Nehemiah 9:17
“Good and upright is the Lord.” Psalm 25:8
“The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.” Psalm 145:9
“You are good, and do good; teach me Your statutes.” Psalm 119:68
When it comes to talking about God’s goodness and lovingkindness, Scripture is not conservative. It’s everywhere.
Bridges says,
“God is kind to all men— the ungrateful, the wicked, the utterly lost and hopeless, the rebellious— without distinction. If we are to become godlike, we, too, must be kind to all men.”
Parenting is a gift from God for many reasons, but one of them is because it refines us. It is a really long string of ‘aha’ moments where we see how our children think of us and treat us and how it reflects how we treat and think of God.
And when we see our children doing to us what we do to God, his character is clearer and we are more grateful for who He is. We are more thankful for his forebearance, his love, his patience, his kindness, and his goodness. Because parenting humbles us and we recognize how undeserving we really are.
There are times when I question God’s goodness. Sometimes our finite minds think goodness is only present if it makes us feel good inside. If we like it or not. But again, parenting reminds us that what is good for our kids feels to them like we’re the worst.
Don’t we do the same to God? We want OUR way and if it’s anything that doesn’t make us ‘happy’, it can’t be good. But that way of thinking falls flat when we honestly look at who God is. He truly is good. He created us and he loves us. His ways are better than ours, no matter how smart and thoughtful we think we are.
When God doesn’t feel good, we have to cling to the God of the Scriptures in faith, for we know he is good and kind and never forsakes us.
Prune
It’s fun to do special things for our kids. As parents we like to think of extravagant or out of the ordinary experiences or treats to give our kids because it’s fun to see their excitement.
They jump and squeal because they can’t contain how ecstatic they are!
Well. Until their excitement turns to crying and whining.
It was the end of last summer and the start of school was looming. We were feeling the ‘summer-is-over-and-we-didn’t-do-all-the-things-we-should-have’ regret so we wanted to do something special with the kids.
Our area has an amusement park called Adventureland. So my husband took off work, we surprised them in the morning and packed up all our gear for four little kids and headed off for a day of fun.
The first thing my daughters noticed was the train that circles the park. We typically do that on our way out of the park so we told our begging daughters we would come back to it.
We did all the rides and had special treats and snacks. All the things. As we were eating ice cream and leaving the park the boys (who weren’t even 1 yet) had had enough and were getting crabby. Riding the train was not in the cards anymore.
Even though she was eating a huge pile of ice cream, our oldest daughter had a meltdown. The whole way home three of our kids were crying and screaming. Apparently the entire fun day was negated by the one thing she didn’t get.
Talk about ungrateful! The loud crying in the car was not exactly the sound we wanted to hear after all we did for our kids that day. We responded by shouting back ‘Fine. We’re never going to do this for you again!’
Or something like that.
Sometimes it’s not even the special things gone wrong where our children can show their ungratefulness. It’s the ordinary.
Making dinner is a real struggle for me. Thinking of things to make, getting the groceries, making the meal. Especially because the witching hour is the real deal in the Shields’ household and it’s always during the making/eating dinner hours of the day.
So imagine how I feel when I finally muster up the energy and foresight to make a healthy home-cooked meal for my family and I set it down in front of my kids and I hear a chorus of “I don’t like that. I’m not going to eat it. That’s yucky.” The boys can’t complain verbally, but they can throw pretty good.
I’m not proud to say that I’ve definitely told my kids I won’t feed them anymore if they don’t eat their supper. Or I’ve told them they will die if they don’t eat their food.
I keep them alive and they complain about what I work hard to feed them?! It’s MAC AND CHEESE!!!!
Being kind and good to our kids even when they are ungrateful and can’t see all that we do for them. That’s the fruit of the spirit. If I want to bear that fruit I have to prune my indignant feelings of being unappreciated.
Serving the undeserved is the heart of Jesus and it should be mine too. I love them even when they don’t show they love me back.
Grow
Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
We are called to be kind and do good.
I love how Bridges talks about the word ‘walk’ in this context suggesting “our common, everyday experience, not the unusual and heroic… God has created us to do our good works in the midst of the humdrum of daily living.”
That means where God has us now is the exact place that he has prepared good works for us to do. My vocation right now is my kids. I don’t need to look outside my home to figure out how I can ‘do good.’ Doing good can and certainly should be more than my home, but it better not be less.
I’ve blogged previously about being faithful with the little things. I think that applies here. The seemingly minuscule ‘good works’ we do for our kids can have a big impact in the hands of a big God.
I appreciated Bridges acknowledging the hard but worthwhile work of parents:
“Few things are more difficult than making a home and rearing children. The dishes, the diapers, the washing, the cooking and cleaning may at times seem insignificant and distasteful; yet few, if any, vocation render greater benefits to those they serve than godly homemaking.”
Some ways of showing kindness and goodness to our kids looks like continuing to feed them even when they throw it on the ground. Still seeking to do special things even when the car ride home is loud.
It’s being the example of Christ’s goodness for ungrateful people because how else will our children learn? We are not naturally inclined to do good for others. It must be taught.
A really important way of bearing goodness and kindness is listening to our kids. Giving them our attention. A little bit goes a long way.
I’ve realized with my 3 year old who often acts out and throws tantrums that instead of sending her to her room or spanking (though some times warrant that) I first need to just ask her if she needs a hug. The majority of the time, that’s all she needs from me.
One thing I wanted to bring up here is thinking again about why we do these things for our kids.
“It is one thing to do good in a few, or even in a number of, isolated instances; it is quite another to face cheerfully the prospect of doing some particular deed of goodness day in and day out for an interminable period of time, particularly if those deeds are taken for granted by the recipients.”
“The Christian who wants to do good for others will often have to give time he does not have. Often this is an act of faith just as much as giving money we cannot afford. We will always be too busy to help others unless we truly grasp the importance God puts on our doing good deeds for other.”
We act in faith. We don’t act with the expectation of reciprocity or even that we will see the fruit of our labor.
I think a lot of parents do the good works but keep a mental list in their head in hopes that when their kids are older we, as parents, can ‘cash it in’ and expect our kids to meet our needs.
We are those parents if we have ever tried to use our works for leverage. “You must do this for me because of everything I’ve already done for you! I carried you in my womb for 9 months! I changed 57,983 of your diapers! This is the LEAST you could do!”
It’s tempting to do that right?
But no, the ‘why’ is not to earn favor or favors with our children. We do everything as if working for the Lord, not men. (Col 3:17, 23-24)
“But true goodness does not look to the recipients, or even to the results, of its deeds for its reward. It looks to God alone, and, finding His smile of approval, it gains the needed strength to carry on.” (Bridges)
We grow in kindness and goodness when our motives are sourced in God’s favor out of love for our children, not to earn their favor. We grow when we are faithful with the little and the mundane, trusting in the Spirit for the energy to carry on and to use it to bring glory to His name.
We grow in goodness when we read God’s Word. How else would we know what is good? ‘Good’ is pretty subjective in the world today. But we can’t do good, speak good, and teach good (and do other things good too) if we don’t know what good is. It must be defined outside of our finite and selfish minds. God has given us the Bible and we can know what good is.
Nourish and Fortify
Fruit doesn’t grow without nourishment and water.
Jesus is the light, the living water, and our daily bread.
Reflect on these verses from his word that will help us bear fruit.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” (Gal 6:9-10)
“Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” (Lk 6:35)
“Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” (Prov 21:21)
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. outdo one another in showing honor.” (Rm 12:9-10)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Eph 4:32)
“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Prov 31:26)
“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” (1 Pt 3:8-9)
Pray
Dear God,
Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and your lovingkindness. You lavish it on me when I am ungrateful and undeserving. Just like my kids take what I do for them for granted, I do that to you and I’m sorry! Help me to be a better example for my kids, a better picture of how you love us.
Thank you for giving us your Word. We can know truth because you have revealed it to us. We can know what is good. I want to store your words in my heart and mind so I can discern what is good and do it. Give me a heart of sincerity towards others and the follow through to take action and actually help.
I need to move from kindness to goodness, disposition to action, and that’s hard to do sometimes. I don’t like to give up my time, resources, and energy, especially when I don’t see a return on it. I confess I am a selfish opportunist.
Help me to act in faith and obedience out of love and not potential future benefits. Help me to forgive my children’s ungratefulness and to still find joy in serving them even in the mundane and everyday things.
I am so thankful for the family you have blessed me with. I pray that they would see my good works and be drawn to you who is the Author of all that is good. Your kindness leads us to repentance and I pray that my children would seek after you every day knowing that you love them unconditionally.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Books Referenced:
The Fruitful Life: The Overflow of God’s Love Through You by Jerry Bridges
The Fruit of the Spirit: Walk by the Spirit, Bear His Fruit by Sarah Morrison (The Daily Grace Co.)
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