Love

Fruitful Motherhood: Love
By: Brittany Shields

Love (/ləv/): devotion, affection, cherishing, fidelity

“Love gives, even at great cost to itself.” (Bridges)

The first trait in Paul’s list is love. This shows prominence. All the traits are important but “love binds all the other virtues together in perfect unity.” 

The fruit of the Spirit is relational.

Love, in its essence, involves more than one being. We see this represented from the beginning of time in the Trinity.

When we love God, we seek to obey him and become more like him. When we love other people we show humility and service to put other’s needs ahead of our own. When we consider other people’s interests and needs, we will inevitably show more than just love. We will be patient, gentle, kind, etc.

God is Love

“God is love.” (1 Jn 4:16)

If you asked someone to describe God, ‘loving’ would probably be the most common first response.

His love is evident throughout all of Scripture.

Bridges talks about two aspects of love: sacrifice and forgiveness.

The greatest expression of God’s love is the cross. This shows both sacrifice and forgiveness.

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 Jn 4:9-11)

He created us in love. In humility, Christ came to Earth for us. He sacrificed himself and forgave the very people who persecuted him.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Eph 4:31-32)

Love is sacrifice. Love is selfless.

Prune

I regularly say that I didn’t know how selfish I was until I got married. And then I had kids and turns out, I was more selfish than I thought!

I would say a primary word that describes motherhood is ‘sacrifice.’ Not only do we sacrifice our bodies when we carry our children in our wombs, but we sacrifice our finances, our time, our hot meals, our clean house, our personal hygiene (and the list goes on) because we take care of our children’s needs.

But sometimes (ahem, a lot of times) I don’t want to sacrifice.

One common occurrence of this is my ‘quiet time.’ This is time I try to take every day for devotions or reading. I don’t know if you know this about me… but I like to read…

But there are days when I can’t read more than 2 sentences before I’m interrupted by one of my four kids. It could be an innocent question, a request of ‘Look at me!’, or a fight, injury, or pee and toilet paper everywhere.

And I get so frustrated! I just want to have MY time! I get indignant and think ‘I give them everything, why can’t I just have this?!’

The result is that I don’t love my kids the right away. I respond to them selfishly.

Instead of seeing them as small wonders and blessings of God, I often view them as inconveniences or annoyances.

This should not be.

One thing that has helped me during these times is advice I received from a friend. She said that in those times when we aren’t getting to do or get done what we had thought we could in a day, when the day is not shaping up how we imagined, we need to take a breath and say, “Okay God. This is not what you have for me today.”

Can I let go of what I want or expect my day to look like? If my kids need me, can I sacrifice some of my time and trust that God will provide sustenance for me another day? Can I trust God with my day?

I need to prune my selfishness.

Grow

What does it look like to bear the fruit of love in motherhood?

Let’s look back at sacrifice and forgiveness.

We are familiar with sacrifice.

But often when we sacrifice it is begrudgingly or prideful.

We either do it while we are complaining in our heads the whole time about how these tasks are beneath us or that we aren’t getting what we deserve, that it’s not fair that we are always the ones sacrificing, or we sacrifice in self-righteousness with an attitude of martyrdom- ‘Look at all I do for you! I’ve given up everything for you!’

But neither of these represent Christ’s sacrifice. He washed his disciples’ feet, even Judas who would betray him. And he did it in love— genuine and selfless affection.

When I start to get bitter or self-righteous about my service to my children, I need to come back to Christ’s example.

“When we love selflessly… we testify to the veracity and validity of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” (Morrison)

We love and sacrifice, not because people necessarily deserve it or because we will be repaid for it but because He first loved us.

Forgiveness was a new one for me to think about in terms of motherhood.

Everyone in my house is a sinner. I would venture to guess it’s the same for you. My kids sin against me every day. I sin against them every day. So forgiveness must happen every day.

We have a tendency to almost subconsciously hold a grudge against their sin. How many times do they disobey us in the same ways?! Why do I forgive them if they just keep doing it?

But Christ forgave us while we were still his enemies. When we forgive our children for sinning against us, often without remorse, we show love. Of course we still teach them about repentance, obedience, and forgiveness, because we are commanded to guide them in truth.

“This forgiving aspect of love enables us to be patient with one another and live at peace with one another. It enables us to deal gently with each other, even when we are sinned against.” (Bridges)

And we come full circle because forgiveness often requires us to sacrifice our sense of justice. That is hard to do. Maybe it’s easier if our kids are super cute, but sometimes I’m surprised by the ways my kids can offend me! Sometimes I don’t want to forgive them!

That’s the reality of relating to humans.

For me as a mom, I can love my kids by sacrificing some of my own reading time to read them books, even if it’s the same book over and over again. It looks like coloring with them even though I haven’t gotten a moment of quiet yet. Pushing them on the swing, even when my arms are tired. Stopping what I’m doing to give my daughter a hug even though she just screamed at me and threw her food on the floor.

To bear the fruit of love, we must sacrifice and forgive, out of devotion and in humility.

Nourish and Fortify

Fruit doesn’t grow without nourishment and water.

Jesus is the light, the living water and our daily bread.

Reflect on these verses from his word that will help us bear fruit.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Phil 2:3-5)

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lam 3:22)

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Pt 4:8)

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Cor 13:4-7)

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal 2:20)

Pray

Dear God,

Your love is unfailing! Thank you for loving me when I did not deserve it. Thank you for dying the death I deserved and forgiving my sin. You’ve shown me humble sacrifice and forgiving love. But I fall short.

Sometimes I resent my constant sacrificing as a mother. Sometimes my kids sin against me so much I hold it against them. Help me to be a more loving mom. Help me to see my sacrifice in light of yours. Help me to serve with joy and longsuffering knowing that I am following your example. Help me to love my kids when it’s hard. Soften my heart.

And help me to remember to ask my children for forgiveness when I sin against them. I want to teach them to obey but I also want to teach them your grace and mercy. It’s hard to find the right balance, but I trust you with my children. Use me to show them your truth.

Please pursue my kids’ hearts that they would desire to serve and not be served. Don’t let my imperfect example turn them away from you, but may they still feel your love for them even when I don’t show it very well.

There is no other God like you. I worship and praise you for your steadfast love and your immeasurable grace.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Books Referenced:

The Fruitful Life: The Overflow of God’s Love Through You by Jerry Bridges

The Fruit of the Spirit: Walk by the Spirit, Bear His Fruit by Sarah Morrison (The Daily Grace Co.)

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